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Universal Truths

Just Stumbled across these at BoreMe.com. You know, I think they're on to something.

Universal truths


1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never been quite sure whether it's ok to eat green potato chips.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back yard.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every guy has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of french fries there is a bad fry.

Cross-posted to Wordpress on 8/27/2012

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Sep. 4th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
I love poking a fire with a stick, and the bigger stick the better! Size counts, don't you know!
Sep. 4th, 2008 08:51 am (UTC)
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

What is the origin of this one?? I've never heard it before.

Carrying bricks ARE horrible, especially when you stack them in one arm and the last one is perfectly aligned for nipple-crushing. Damn that's painful!
Sep. 5th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
No one knows where the swan story came from. It seems to be an urban legend that people like to repeat because it sounds like a cool piece of information. There's a lot out there on the net about it, at any rate.
Sep. 4th, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
2a)Every supermarket checkout has at least one child crying.
5a) Everyone at college in the 70's has calculated the digits 71077345 with a calculator as the punchline to a fuel cost joke.
8a) You can sure someone will have a fire or a greasy barbecue in their back yard - just after you put the laundry out to dry.
27a) There's no panic like the panic you feel when you can't get a net connection F N A R.

And I stir my paint with a high toleranced stainless steel guide rail from an obsolete scanning reader.....
which you can't get the scanning lamps for now (und zat is ZAT!
Sep. 5th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
Oddly enough, I can only remember "SHELLOIL" as the punchline, but couldn't ever remember the problem that was supposed to produce that answer...
Sep. 4th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
i have never driven through a tunnel :( not when driving a car at least
Sep. 8th, 2008 05:45 am (UTC)
Frisbees never make it to the ground around me, but if they did, I'm sure I would look cool picking one up.

Edited at 2008-09-08 05:47 am (UTC)


The Old Wolf

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