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Cross-posted to WordPress 11/22/2014

We've all seen them on the shelves, usually down at floor level. Oatie-O's, Fruity Hoops, Crisp Rice. Store brands trying to cash in on decades worth of marketing by the big boys.1

Depending on your locality, you can find over 50 knock-off brands of Dr Pepper™.

(Full-size image here, courtesy of Tactic Marketing.)

As a general rule, these knock-off brands are the abomination of desolation. Mr. Pibb, for example, Coca-Cola's ubiquitous knockoff of the Doctor, tastes like something wrung from a very ill moose - and yet if you go to a restaurant whose nuts are being tightly squeezed by the Coke™ conglomerate, that's all you can get.

In the case of cereals, the clones sometimes come close, but almost never approximate the quality of the real thing.

Until now.

I'm particular about my cereal. Just about the only one I eat on a regular basis is Quaker's Life™. I've been loyal since it came out in 1961. When it was reformulated in 1998, I was one of many consumers who complained, prompting Quaker to revert to its original formula. So when my better half brought home a box of a new concoction by Kroger called "Living Well," my thoughts turned darkly to glowing braziers and hot coulters.

(Image from Drawn and Quartered by Charles Addams)

How could they? Like Dr Pepper™, Life™ is unique, with no real head-to-head competition. No one had ever tried to clone it before, and this effort couldn't possibly be worth the powder to blow it to Hell with. Could it?

Here's the scary part: Kroger nailed it. Either they have a mole inside Quaker, or they're buying Life™ in brobdingnagian quantities and repackaging it. Taste, texture, smell, looks - I'd be hard-pressed to tell the difference. It's that good.

What's a loyal consumer to do? The driving factor in this economy, I fear, will be price. If Life™ costs $3.00 a box, and I can find Living Well™ on the shelf for $2.50, I'm afraid the clone will win. If, on the other hand, the prices are equivalent or just pennies apart, I'll go for the real thing.

Sorry, Quaker.

1 Some particularly egregious examples of cereal knockoffs can be found at The Cheapass Cereal Hall of Fame

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May. 28th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
That site has a harsher, naughtier mind than mine. Pretty funny.

Mr. Pibb is the only Dr. Pepper ripoff I've seen. What bugs me most about it is not the taste but the packaging: If the name isn't enough, the ugly belching head is.

Why don't those ripoffs go for completely dissimilar names, anyway? I understand when it's something aptly descriptive like Fruity Nuggets, but sodas needn't have anything to do with doctors.
May. 29th, 2011 10:49 am (UTC)
>sodas needn't have anything to do with doctors

That's just it. They're riding on the coattails of the name. I have only seen a few of these myself - Dr. Thunder is available at Wal-Mart, and each local grocery store like Smith's (Kroger), etc. has a version.
Jun. 16th, 2011 03:54 pm (UTC)
im a pepper :)

i went to eat out once and asked for root beer and the lady gave me dr pepper O_O


The Old Wolf

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