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"Take Your Test" by Jason Knight

Old but good. For those who may not have seen it.

"Take Your Test" by Jason Knight
To be sung to the tune of to the tune of "Be Our Guest" from Walt Disney's "Beauty and the beast," Music by Alan Menken, original lyrics by Howard Ashman

Abbreviation glossary:
P: Professors
S1, S2, S3: Distinct students
S: Students in unison
TA: Teaching assistant

P: Mes chèrs tuition payers, it is with deepest sadism and greatest power that we welcome you this morning. And now, we require you to get tense, let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents your final!

P: Take your test
Take your test
Are you nervous? Are you stressed?
Summer's just around the corner now
We love this time the best
Physics laws
English lit.
Why, you'll never want to quit
What's the formula for vinyl?
Don't you love to take a final!
Classic film
Modern dance
All the kings and queens of France
You'll be writing with such energy and zest
Go on and take some blue books
You'll at least need two books
Take your test
Fake your test
Take your test

World War I
World War II
You'll be chugging Mountain Dew
As you scram back home to cram
And stay awake the whole night through
If you're here
And you're scared
Then you're prob'ly unprepared
Don't tell me about your party
You should study, Mr. Smarty
Distant stars
Shakespeare's plays
Let us run you through our maze

S1: Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed?

P: Don't question our regime
How could you dare blaspheme?
Now take your test
(You've B.S.ed,
But you'd rather say you've "guessed")
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test

Life's all smiles and smirking
For a student who's not working
It's a gas without a class to load him down
Ah, those good old days way back in grade school
Suddenly he wants his cap and gown
While he's been busy learning
Curiosity's been burning
What's it like to have a minute to himself?
He won't know 'til after graduation
They came here so lazy
Now we're driving them all crazy!

S1: It's a test!
S2: It's a test
S3: This can't be! I still need rest!

P: You want sleep, you little creep?
That's very good. That's quite a jest
Ancient worlds
Complex math
And we won't withhold our wrath
Yes, we'll give you quite a beating
If we catch you while you're cheating
Chinese art
Civil E.

S3: Help me please! I'm having cardiac arrest!

S1: Somebody check his heart!

P: Then label every part!
It's on your test
S: That's our test?
P: That's your test
S: What a pest!

TA: Here's a test
There's a test
I'm so very much depressed
Have to grade each one of these in just a day
And I'm hard pressed!
Why our "quarters" come in threes
While the deadline still is looming
I'll keep grading
I'll keep fuming

P: Course by course
One by one
'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!"
Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed
We've done our best to pester
See you next semester!
Take your test
Take your test
Take your test
Now, take your test

©1996 by Jason Knight. This work may be freely distributed in its unmodified form. Comments welcome.

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Mar. 26th, 2011 09:00 am (UTC)
We totally need somebody to sing that with music! =^.^=
Mar. 26th, 2011 03:54 pm (UTC)
::ROFL!:: I can completely sympathize with the students, with my present workload and a professor who is having difficulty with answering questions!
Mar. 26th, 2011 04:44 pm (UTC)
My mom's playing music for a school production of BatB. I'll show her.


The Old Wolf

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