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(And thanks to walkertxkitty from whom TK gacked it).

Truths for Mature Human Beings



(From where I sit, this is the ultimate list. The competition is now closed!)


  1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?*
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
  13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
  15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
  20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  22. I would rather try to carry TEN over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take TWO trips to bring my groceries in.
  23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
  24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
  26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?†
  29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. [Old Wolf Edit: This is commonly known as an "ohnosecond".]
  30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
  31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my last dollar everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!


Footnotes



* Someone posted this awesome link, if you're interested. Where were these people 50 years ago?

†It's just you. I know many, very intelligent students. But the culture of high school is getting stupider because the schools are falling more and more under the control of bureaucrats who haven't set foot in a public school since they graduated fifty years ago.
-ToraKiyoshi, a teacher


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Comments

marmoe
Apr. 15th, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC)
#29
Just like Newton had his falling apple to think about the theory of gravity, Einstein had a chair to make him realize that time is relative.
(Inventing history since way back when ;-P )
bayliss
Apr. 15th, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC)
#31

I showed one of my friends my watch... which has hands but no numbers and she said, "How in the #$#@@ am I supposed to read that? There are no numbers." I answered, "Time is relative."
r_caton
Apr. 15th, 2010 03:09 pm (UTC)
Hey give it the finger....
one's enough, gives the hour and quarter...
deckardcanine
Apr. 15th, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
Sorry, I need to repair that last message:

1. I'll be satisfied to have someone announce my death in the journals and forums I use.
2. I can think of suckier times. Like the moment you realize you're not going to win the argument even tho you're right.
3. You know, I can remember many things from early childhood, but being persnickety about naps wasn't one of them.
4. Oh yes.
6. I'm more concerned about learning Roman numerals around the same time. And diagramming sentences for a few weeks and never again.
7. How Seinfeldian.
8. Yeah, I like to look up how celebrities died, especially when they died young. But sometimes the answer is embarrassing.
10. Sometimes. I make a lot of bad decisions too boring to report.
11. I know it when I eat too much junk food, especially a donut.
13. That's probably the result of an action that could've changed something but didn't, like a spell check.
17. Can't you block them?
18. Where there's light, there's heat.
20. Well, the Kinky Turtle once took a shorter route than Mapquest suggested, only to find himself spending the night in a crappy town. "It tried to warn me! I'm sorry, Mapquest; I'll never doubt you again!"
21. Happens to me, too. Hard to believe I completely forgot the ending of The Sting.
22. Aren't you merciful to the ozone layer.
24. That was a bigger problem for me as a teen. Same with my cousin.
25. I'd say it once and then elaborate: "I'm sorry; I can't make out what you said." If the third time isn't a charm, I shrug and walk away.
27. I'm sure the house manager will understand tomorrow if my requisite black ushering pants have visible stains.
29. Doesn't this contradict #2?
30. As a driver, I hate other drivers. Just as well I haven't driven in ages.
31. I have to be very out of it for that to happen.
32. More often, I've turned the alarm off and counted on myself to get up in time. Nowadays I make sure I have to leave the bed to hit the alarm.
torakiyoshi
Apr. 16th, 2010 05:59 am (UTC)
#32: doesn't work for me. My sophomore year, I was on the top bunk and had my alarm clock all the way across the room. I would get down, carefully so as not to walk on my roommate's bunk. Then I would walk across the room, hit the snooze button, walk back across the room, climb back up, tuck myself back in, and be back asleep before my head hit the pillow.

-=TK
ccdesan
Apr. 16th, 2010 01:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, the joys of somnambulism!

fearciuil
Apr. 15th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

Do you really want an answer to that? (Yes, there's still a reason to do it, because yes, it does something.) >D
ccdesan
Apr. 16th, 2010 01:06 pm (UTC)
Honestly said, I've always wished I could write in a beautiful Spencerian hand...

Enough to spend the hours a day practicing that it would require at this point? Nah... but 've always wished I could write in a beautiful Spencerian hand...


torakiyoshi
Apr. 16th, 2010 05:55 am (UTC)
I've been footnoted! <3 <3 <3

-=TK

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